It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
