Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
