Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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