Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
