Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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