this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
