That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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