omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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