btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i love accidental penises.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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