I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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