She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
