wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
