you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
