so explain again why im purple
no
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
