Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
