Screwed.edu
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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