If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
