So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
