I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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