i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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