Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
