he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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