I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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