I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
