What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
