worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
