My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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