I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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