I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
