We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
