i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
