Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize