So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is the high leading the old right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
