my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
