I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
