i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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