They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
