been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
