Whod you bang
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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