He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
