would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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