Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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