this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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