now i know why i became what i already was.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
