He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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