To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
