apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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