You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
