how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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