Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
