Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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