Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
