Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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