I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize