walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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