awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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