dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
