This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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