well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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