Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
