Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
