So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
