Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
