pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
