where does the pee come out of this thing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
