Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The beer is more important than you right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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